I got on Facebook today. Nothing unusual there. I decided to look for an acquaintance of mine. Sometimes I do this when I’m nosy or looking for inspiration. This time, the latter was my motivation.
This woman has recently started her own business and while I am exploring the concept myself, I hit the search button. She is a little younger than me and successful by social standards; career, marriage and a small personal business. Despite this, by social standards, this woman is considered “unattractive.” You are overweight and often overexert yourself. His Facebook posts often reflect an insecure soul desperately pretending to agree with who he is. You may know someone similar who comes to mind immediately. Anyway, I have no problem with this, the world is full of insecure people. What bothers me about her is the taste of arrogance she uses to try to make up for her insecurities. This personally hits a nerve to me, as I cannot bear the falsehood, the subtleties or the ‘ostentation’ hence she is always just an acquaintance. I kept her as a Facebook friend because despite her insecurities, her looks, and her arrogant style, this woman inspired me.
So imagine my horror when I found out that she had stopped being friends with me. Okay, I wasn’t that horrified, but still. I was like, oh, someone else bites the dust.
And because? By social standards, I suppose you could say that I am considered attractive, successful in my career, and recently married. My Facebook posts are full of satirical humor to make sure people remain my friend. As an attractive and successful woman, I am a threat to other women. I have often known that I have inspired other women, who for the most part, I have embraced and enjoyed. I have also enjoyed drawing inspiration from other women.
5 years ago I got divorced. It was very much my background when I suffered a breakdown. I had a lot of friends then. People seemed to like it better too. I think some people loved the fact that someone, “like me,” was not perfect. I know, because I also enjoyed that fact when I discovered that someone I admire is not perfect. How sad is that?
So today, when I found out that my friend had stopped being friends with me, it hurt a little. Because being successful and happy can be a very lonely business for women. For men, it is celebrated. For women, it is tolerated. For this very reason, I have often had more male friends than female friends. In the context of friendship, men are not threatened by a happy and successful woman. I am also aware that any man reading this will think that I have friends because I am sexy and they just want to try to be with me. Which is partially true, I’m not an idiot. But not all guys are so shallow and those of us who tried often become great friends regardless.
It saddens me that finding happiness and getting married caused this kind of reaction. I understand that it probably caused something in her that makes her feel uncomfortable with herself. Is this what the world is becoming? A place where feeling uncomfortable is a big challenge?
It is much easier to exclude than to deal with ourselves. But in any case, when writing this I would like to encourage you not to always succumb to the easy thing. Say ‘hi’ to the woman who seems to have it all right, don’t be intimidated by her. She is probably lonelier than you think.