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Speak old man and invisible old men

Last September (September 1 to be exact) I was in a wheelchair in an emergency room with a fractured kneecap that occurred in a moment of total lucidity but impaired balance. But here’s the good news: the beer bottle he was carrying was unharmed. No broken glass or a drop of sparkling goodness was missed. (That takes talent!) I should have known better than drinking from the second bottle of beer, but as the saying goes, “What the heck. I was having fun.” Even better news: the white jeans she was wearing survived without a mark or rip.

Have I learned my lesson? Yes, of course I have. I am not a silly bunny. I don’t drink beer anymore. Now I drink white wine. Best of all, my sense of humor remains intact.

After a long wait in the emergency room.I was led into a room by an attendant who thought I was his “sweetie” and waited a little longer for a nurse (or anyone else) to appear. My daughter and son-in-law were standing behind my chair when a nurse arrived. Then the fun began. As if I were not there, the nurse asked my daughter for details about how my injury occurred.

I was thinking, “Why isn’t the nurse asking ME those questions? It’s MY injury!” Irritation gnawed at me until I finally turned the bulky chair to face the nurse, banging on some cabinets in the process. (I should have turned the chair before she entered the room, but the space was small.) In a calm and polite tone of voice, I said, “Excuse me, I can hear and understand everything you are saying and I can answer all of your questions.” . You can talk with me. I’m not senile. “And I smiled.

The poor woman was surprised. Probably no one had ever spoken to him like this before. After all, she was only applying accepted protocol for dealing with an elderly / elderly person – it’s a cultural thing, a “fact” – white hair equals incompetence or senility. In his eyes, he had done nothing wrong. I knew it and that’s why I intentionally spoke to him in a calm and polite tone of voice.

Older people get used to and even wait (but they don’t like) being treated like they don’t exist or are incompetent. It is a social assumption that older people cannot think clearly or remember much and cannot hear or understand if you speak too softly or too fast.. After all, most older people are senile or close to him, so you have to be condescending and treat them like children.ren. Seriously? REALLY?

Not all older people are on the brink of senility – most are not even close. Mature people do quite well if they are spoken to with respect and treated on the assumption that they are competent. If you have a mental disability, acknowledge its existence and treat it with respect.

Let’s go to the speech of the elders element of the “the elderly are invisible” syndrome that I experienced before I became invisible. It is more than annoying and disrespectful. Here is an unrelated, but typical example of the old-speaking iceberg:

My sister and her husband were dedicated runners. They were “mature”, not teenagers. In their daily rush through the community and their neighborhood, the neighbors, sitting in the front garden, many with a can of champagne in hand, yelled at them as they flew by. “you are so cute!“Was my sister mad? You can bet. Please don’t call mature people ‘cute’. A six-year-old is cute. Calling an older one ‘cute’ is as degrading and childish as it sounds.

There’s more here: If you are a healthcare worker, a mature patient you have just met is not your “darling” or “darling.” The terms of affection are appropriate only when there is a romantic relationship. Wow! What a revelation! An older person in a romantic relationship? [gasp!] That’s gross! Seriously? No, it’s not. Oh, one more thing: don’t call me “miss.” It is condescending, degrading, condescending, and disrespectful. (Okay, okay, I’m being overly sensitive and grumpy.)

If those in authority call you cute or utter another term of endearment, it’s tempting to want to drag them out and make them come true, but don’t give in to the temptation. Turn it around and tell them how cute they are, and how sweet they are for telling you how cute you are. Make sure to smile while you do it. Take note of her confused or nervous reaction.

Becca R. Levy is a professor of epidemiology at the Yale School of Public Health. and professor of psychology at Yale University. She is a leading researcher in the fields of social gerontology and the psychology of aging. I have been following your work for a long time. She has been at the forefront of issues that occur as a result of the way competent older adults are often treated and approached.

Dr. Levy believes that many of those who use the elder language – including healthcare workers – do not understand that it can be offensive and destructive. She says: “I have heard some people say that they want to be able to use terms of affection, it is their way of expressing their affection for older people, but I have heard older people say that it can be disparaging” and “In terms of surroundings. In healthcare, it’s probably a good idea to ask people how they want to be treated, what is most comfortable for them … “

I can go into the undergrowth on this subject, but I think I have made my point clear. Don’t call someone with gray hair or gray hair (or no hair) you just met “cute” or “sweetie”, or use another term of endearment. Don’t automatically assume they are incompetent. Acknowledge and respect their existence. Everybody gets old. One day you’ll be where they are now and probably in a [gulp!] [gasp!] romantic relationship, if you’re lucky. (Yeah yeah. I know that’s disgusting. My sexy older aunt, Miss Prunella, says “Get over it”).

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