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Why is it a new life after the death of your loved one

When a loved one dies, it is initially very difficult to accept the loss and begin the next chapter of life. However, the experience of millions of mourners tells us that this is exactly what they had to do: realize that their previous life is part of their personal history and that life without the deceased loved one will be very different.

The concept of a new life for many mourners is repulsive because they think that it portends the forgetfulness of the loved one. Could not be farther from the truth. Others think that a new life means starting over. Again, not true. In essence, starting a new life specifically means coping with massive change. No one can resist change; it is the only relentless eternal force.

As many therapists say, “What you resist persists.” That is, if you resist the changes that the loss demands, pain and anxiety will continually haunt you as you try to live in the past. Here are four reasons why it’s a new life after the death of your loved one. And accepting it as a new life and being open to learning will help you immensely in adjusting to your great loss.

1. Remember, a great loss means that a part of you has died, that part that interacted with the person who died. You no longer have that interaction, that part of your foster community. When you realize this, it can be very scary. You will have to find ways to integrate the time you used to spend with your loved one into a new environment, a new life.

2. Almost all major losses involve the development of new routines. It’s natural to embrace the comfortable and predictable ways we easily get used to instead of facing the unknown. However, one of the tasks of mourning is to adapt to the absence of the deceased. In doing so, most of the time we have to assume some of the responsibilities that the loved one had.

Some examples: It can mean learning to fix things around the house, shopping for one person, getting used to an empty chair (or putting it in another part of the house), or eating alone at a new time.

3. Next, you may need to change your role, pursue a career, or become an advocate for a specific cause. You may need to be a parent and a full-time employee. Or, you may need to work part-time to pursue a hobby or club membership, or to stay in the apartment or house you live in.

In any case, it will mean meeting new people and doing new things to maintain your standard of living. How will you spend your time? In volunteering? Go to school? teaching? Supporting others? A multitude of other activities?

4. All of the above means that you will establish a new identity. You are no longer the same person you were before your loss. Part of the restructuring of your identity depends on how dependent you were on the deceased. Sometimes it takes a lot of courage to create a new identity.

How do we get a new identity? It’s a long-term project that often means giving up old roles and taking on new ones, evaluating who you are (your identity beliefs) and who you want to become. It is structured around skills, relationships, new expectations and hopes, and the new behaviors required by your loss. We also define ourselves by who we date and who we avoid.

Your new way of seeing the world, developing goals and purposes, embracing enormous change, and telling yourself that you are good, capable, lovable, and loveable will all be woven into your new identity.

So what can you do with the wisdom of the ages? The first step is realizing that your beliefs affect everything you do. If all. What you believe about death, an afterlife, your loved one, and your ability to cope with their loss drives your tort work. Then decide where you want to go in your new life. Do you want to always be loss-oriented or restoration-oriented?

Believe in the inescapable: that loss changes us. There are few options here.

Choose to believe that it is a new life. You will always love the deceased. Talk to him/her and keep him/her alive in your heart, family celebrations, anniversaries and memorials. But start your new life, keep growing and loving. Trust the pain and let it take its course, and reinvest your emotional energy in your new life.

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