We all know that people act differently in stressful situations, some people rise to the occasion and some do not. Why, when faced with danger, do some people act without hesitation even though they know they are likely to die? Then there are others who will assume a fetal position and will do nothing but beg for their own lives without regard for others. On September 11, 2001, only 3 passengers out of 33 who were not terrorists on United Airlines Flight 93 decided to fight. What makes men like those on Flight 93 catch up to save the lives of others knowing that they will certainly lose their own? I’m sure most of the people reading this will say that I would have done the same, but is that true? The truth is that most of us would like to think that we would be the ones who could muster the strength to spit in the face of death or the possibility of it happening, but most of us don’t know. Ask yourself honestly, “Can I show courage? Can I put myself in danger to defend my family or others should such a situation arise?” Most people want to have the courage to be that person, but how do you know if you are? Is there any way to find out? The truth is, there really is no way to know with 100% certainty.

People who have shown a propensity for this type of heroic behavior in the past are the most likely to do so in the future, but again there is no guarantee. Those who have shown lack of courage are more likely to repeat it. If Flight 93 is an indication of how many people would actually fight, that’s only 11% who had the courage to do so. What difference does it make to these people who would give the last word for others from those who prefer to cover their eyes and hope it goes away? One of the main reasons these people can do these things is simply education. Having this type of behavior instilled in them by their parents and trained to be the way of thinking is what gives them this ability.

Clearly the problem is fear and for good reason. As human beings we have a natural survival instinct and walking away or running away from danger is not a bad thing, after all, the best way to win a fight is not to get into one. If the situation is such that the only way you or a loved one could survive is for you to act and refuse to act out of fear, then there is a problem.

Some therapists have suggested that this fight or flight instinct or behavior was helpful when we used to have to survive in a world where a T-Rex might be around the corner, but now it’s a bad thing and should disappear from the human being. Psyche. Perhaps they think it would have been better if those few men from Flight 93 sat quietly in their seats as they flew to their deaths and those who were at their intended goal of the capital. We have this instinct for a reason, and while we may not be running from dinosaurs like our ancestors did, there are still many dangers, from gang violence to firearm terrorists. So the question remains how do we make sure that we are one of those people who can manifest the courage to put ourselves at risk for the good of others?

As I said before, clearly the problem is fear and while there may not be an app for that, there is a way to fix it. First let me clarify that this is in no way a mental disorder and does not require a visit to some type of mental health specialist. However, there is a therapy that mental health professionals use called cognitive behavioral therapy or CBT. CBT is used to treat disorders such as post-traumatic stress disorder, phobias, depression, and addiction. Unlike other types of therapies that seem to never end, this one is very short, usually ranges between 6 and 12 months, and is effective. For this to work, you must first want to be that person who stands up to fight. Like the individual who was instilled with this willingness to defend, others were instilled with the instinct to hide and we may not even realize it. This means that whether you think you will stand up and fight or not, this would be good practice. As I mentioned earlier, this is clearly a fear and, as with all fears, it is our thoughts or thought patterns that end up affecting our behaviors. For example, if we board a plane and the only thing we can think about is crashing or running out of gas, we are going to instill the fear of flying. So obviously, if we board that plane and all we can think about is the great time we will have when we get to our destination or how great the view is, we will enjoy flying. That means that the first thing you should realize is what are those thoughts or beliefs that contribute to you not wanting to face those fears. So you want to know how your thoughts, feelings, or even the situation affect your behaviors. This can be difficult because you really need to be able to examine your own thoughts and feelings. What are you really thinking? Many times when a therapist asks someone what they are thinking, much of what they are really thinking is left out.

When or if you identify those thoughts, you can begin to practice new coping skills, thoughts, or rehearse how you will act in this type of situation. Journaling and role-playing are good tools to help redirect your thinking. In essence, you are instilling or training yourself to be that selfless person who risks your life for others. If you are one of those people who knows that you are not capable, remember that this is a process.