The grandparent-grandchild relationship is supposed to be a complete and separate relationship, but there are too many external factors that interfere with that notion. For example, when parents feel threatened because they fear that their son loves the grandmother more than them or that the grandmother loves the grandson more than them, this represents a threat to the relationship. Parental insecurity can set the wheels of future alienation in motion.

Sometimes it’s a miscommunication that leads to a family dispute or the death of a parent. Circumstances are always changing and affect family dynamics, including the ever fragile grandparent-grandchild relationship.

Parents control the relationship between grandparents and grandchildren, that’s the way it is. As long as the grandparents don’t rock the boat and stay within the boundaries designated by the parents, the relationship has a better chance of surviving, but remember that there are no guarantees.

It seems reasonable to assume that more grandparents today find themselves alienated from their extended family. Most try to resolve issues without outside intervention, but after all else fails, litigation is likely the next step.

All fifty states have grandparent visitation laws, which are unique to them. There are some common denominators that many share, while others are far apart. Most states, for example, include the death of one parent as a criteria for filing a grandparental visitation petition. The other provision is when the parents are divorced or living apart. Another criterion that is gaining ground is the “stepparent adoption” factor. With so many families divided, as a result of divorce or marriage, many homes are now mixed. Whether remarrying or marrying for the first time, the stepparent often adopts the children, and when this happens, there are consequences to the relationship between the child and the biological grandparent. About half of the states have statutes that allow grandparents to appear in court to file a visitation petition after a stepparent’s adoption. If there has been a pre-existing relationship, the adoption should not sever that relationship. However, in the remaining states, grandparents lose their rights along with the parent whose rights were terminated. There are only a few states that allow grandparents the right to file a petition in court while the birth parents are together.

The puzzling thing is that the marital status of the parents is the determining factor in granting visitation and writing laws.

So why can a grandparent appear in court when the parents are divorced but not when they are married? Or where there has been a stepparent adoption, a grandparent can often file a petition. It is worth mentioning that the stepparent adoptive family is actually no different from the intact family because the stepparent is the new parent. None of this makes sense, the child and the grandparent still have a bond regardless of whether the parents are separated or together.

It seems something is amiss when a bond established between a child and a loving grandparent takes a backseat to the parent’s marital status when determining whether the relationship is allowed to continue.