I recently heard from a wife who was trying to come up with a strategy for the first meeting with her husband since their separation. The two were going to meet and drive together to her son’s parent-teacher conference. She was quite nervous about this because she was very clear on the fact that she wanted her husband back and she didn’t want to do anything wrong that would make things worse. She wanted to know how she should play better to make the situation better and not make it worse. I will discuss what I told you in the next article.

Be aware of the image you present when you meet your husband during a separation: First of all, it is very important that you portray a person who will elicit positive responses and perceptions. You don’t want to present yourself as someone who is barely getting by or just can’t get by without it. And, you don’t want to try to shift blame or try to get sympathy and/or pity from her.

It’s important to understand that these feelings are likely only helping you walk away with negative perceptions (even if you’re not sure why you have them). You absolutely do not want to reinforce any perception that you are better off alone. You don’t want him to think “man, nothing has changed, so I really made the right decision.”

Instead, you want him to see the best part of you that he’s most attracted to. Now, I know and fully understand that I am asking you to walk a very fine line. Because it is also important that you are genuine. You don’t want to appear like a model when you and your husband know very well that sweatshirts are more your style. This is neither credible nor sustainable.

But, what you can do is portray the best version of who you really are and what you really stand for. If you like jeans and t-shirts, you can still choose clothes that fit well and are cut to bring out your best and most notable assets.

You can smile and laugh and keep things lighthearted and show your husband that he can still be his partner in parenting and that you can still have positive interactions that leave you both smiling. There’s nothing wrong with making sure he knows you miss him and wish things were different, but don’t want to dwell on the negative. He wants you to walk away knowing that you have seen some positive changes in the level of cooperation between you and the atmosphere that is created when you are together.

Don’t try to do too much too soon. This is a process that builds on itself. Many people make the mistake of bringing up the relationship and then things get out of hand. So before you know it, you’re babbling about how you cry when you look at their side of the bed or burst into tears when you take out your own trash.

Stick to the reason for the meeting. Don’t use this as an excuse to plead her case: I have to bring this up because the woman he was talking to kept bringing up what she planned to say and bring up. I had to remind her several times that the meeting was meant to discuss her child with her child’s teacher. So, most of the time, that’s exactly what should have been discussed. Don’t use your kids as “insiders.” Because if she does and it goes wrong, then her husband will be reluctant to meet again, or will keep meetings very short, even if he has legitimate reasons for it.

So stick to the task at hand, especially early on. And it doesn’t hurt to let him take the lead. Be nice. Keep things lighthearted. He flirts very little, but only if things are going well and only if he takes the lead. Do not allow negative feelings to show, even if this is difficult. I know this may seem unfair, but there is a reason for it.

It is human nature to gravitate towards those things that make you feel good about your situation and yourself and to avoid things that make you feel insecure or allow you to experience negative emotions. Most people don’t think about this or realize it’s happening. This does not mean that you have to pretend that nothing is happening. Obviously, things are difficult and you cannot or should not deny it. But you want him to know that you can make the best of this difficult situation, that you can still interact positively with him, that you have integrity and grace, and that any subsequent meetings with you will probably go just as well. a.

See right now, your real goal is to set it up so that these meetings start happening with some regularity and continue to go well when they do happen. Not everything can be fixed after a single face-to-face meeting. But, if you play your cards right, you can pave the way for more.