The saying, we choose our friends but not our family, often elicits a wry laugh. But, on second thought, those relationships are quite different. Do our friends usually see us having a ‘bad hair day’ or do we have to constantly remind them to tidy up their rooms, put their damp towels in the laundry basket or fix a broken shelf?

Maybe they do from time to time, but it’s unlikely to be a regular occurrence. They don’t see us coming home grumpy after a hard day’s work or in those moments when we are truly out of it.

We usually modify our behavior and are happy when we see our friends, even when we are at our worst. There’s no way we’re going to beat them up like we would family members. We know that they could leave and end our relationship. And who would blame them if our inconsiderate behavior happened too often!

So our friends can be good at keeping us from being too touchy-feely. We can share an in-depth analysis of our lousy job, relationship, or situation, but there often comes a time when we realize we need to get a grip on it and start paying attention to them, too. A friendship can be temporarily one-sided during tough times, but there comes a point where we have to try to pick ourselves up a bit from discouragement, negativity, or repetition, and that’s not a bad thing.

And then there’s the fun element. A 2020 survey of 400 people for the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that 68% of the time we spend with friends is spent doing fun things, like visiting restaurants, bars, concerts, participating in sports, while the figure for the family is only 28%

Do we need to reflect on how we allocate the time we spend with family? Yes, essential chores and maintenance need to be done, but is there any way we can make it more enjoyable? Washing, ironing, cleaning are important, but they could be undertaken in a more positive and optimistic way, starting with a change of perspective, in which we remember to appreciate our good fortune of having a house to clean, a garden to tend, nice clothes to wash? How many people would be delighted to be in our position?

Remember the excitement you felt when you moved into your first new house, the satisfaction of polishing ‘your’ windows or dusting the furniture you had recently chosen and delivered, the joy of keeping everything neat and tidy, walking through the door of your house and smiling with pride.

How quickly that mentality changes! Another 2020 survey of 2,000 adults by a vitamin company revealed that we spend an hour a day on basic chores like washing, laundry, tidying up—things we’re highly unlikely to do with friends, and certainly not on a regular basis. So it’s no wonder we’d rather be with friends than family!

But if we elevate those boring and repetitive tasks by introducing a little fun, gratitude and satisfaction for a job well done, it allows for a more positive approach. Begin to notice how you communicate in your relationship with your partner or family, compared to when you are with friends. It can be all too easy for family interactions to become a mundane daily routine where you share updates and tasks instead of communicating on a meaningful level, especially during busy or stressful periods.

When you are tired and worried, experiencing low energy levels, try to remember to be courteous, considerate, and respectful to one another by smiling and touching each other affectionately as you pass. Inject humor into situations and maintain channels of communication where you are genuinely interested in each other, following up on the news from the day before, noting any changes in behavior, showing that you are willing to spend time together.

The most tedious tasks were voted in the survey as ironing, cleaning and grocery shopping, with only 3% saying they enjoyed the daily grind. But these tasks can be transformed by sharing them and perhaps including a treat or reward upon completion, especially if children are involved. You could share the load in a motivating way, like ‘you do this while I do that’ or introduce a fun element by singing or dancing while everyone works. Even a little competition could help lift your spirits.

By ensuring that you have positive exchanges with your partners and children, perhaps through play and interesting and supportive conversations, you enjoy more enjoyable relationships and allow even everyday things to be a satisfying and meaningful part of your life. That way, chores can become a more positive investment in your daily quality of life.